I don't know why exactly but I have become much more conservative in my ways, not as open with things or as wild. Then part of me says stop being scared. Scared of letting myself be attracted to anyone of real significance. Scared of having feelings. Of putting myself out there. Of making the first move. But I always do. I always have my heart broken. end up trying to save them. giving everything and then things end. i miss being in love. i miss having someone to share my thoughts and ideas with. i miss that feeling you get in your stomach, like frogs hopping, when you see them or hear their name. now i just get this pit in my stomach when i hear a name or see a face. emotions rush back. memories of the past. memories of fun and love .....and heart break. i've never been scared. never held back. but i just don't think i can do it again. i want someone that i can talk for hours with and just hold each other. i don't want to deal with drugs. ex girlfriends. ex boyfriends. drinking. severe depression. i don't want to save anyone. i want to be stable. to be loved to the tips of my fingers. and i want them to do the same. i want trust. truth. love. most importantly fun.